Who speaks when
There is no single order, but two traditions shape most English-speaking weddings.
- UK and Ireland: Speeches traditionally follow the meal, though many couples now hold them before it so speakers can relax. The father of the bride or the host welcomes everyone and toasts the couple. The groom thanks everyone and toasts the bridesmaids. The best man replies, reads messages from absent friends and toasts the couple. Many weddings now add the bride, the maid of honour or a joint speech from the couple.
- US: Toasts happen at the reception, often after the first dance or between courses. The maid of honor and best man usually speak, sometimes the parents, and the couple may thank everyone at the end. The rehearsal dinner the night before often has more, and looser, toasts.
Wherever you are, agree the order and timing with the couple or whoever is running the day.
How long each speech should be
- Wedding vows: 1 to 2 minutes
- Guest or friend: 2 to 4 minutes
- Bride: 2 to 5 minutes
- Groom: 2 to 4 minutes in the US, often 5 to 7 in the UK
- Maid of honour: 3 to 6 minutes
- Parent of the couple: 3 to 5 minutes in the US, often 5 to 8 in the UK
- Best man: 3 to 5 minutes in the US, often 7 to 10 in the UK
Shorter almost always beats longer. How to plan and measure your length is in our guide How long should a speech be.
What makes a wedding speech personal
A good wedding speech lives on one story, not on a list of qualities. Instead of “Tom is always there for people”, tell the story of the night he drove out at three in the morning when your car broke down. The guests recognise the person in the moment, not in the adjective.
Whichever role you speak in, the partner gets their moment, and the couple is at the centre by the end. Some topics stay out of every wedding speech: exes, stag, hen and bachelor party stories, innuendo, money, and anything that would embarrass someone in the room. A good test: would the couple's grandparents laugh too? The interview asks specifically what must not be mentioned.
English, and weddings in two languages
If you give your speech in English, we ask whether your audience is mostly from the UK, the US or international. Spelling, length, humour and the toast follow from that. For weddings in two languages, Premium adds a bilingual version.