How to write a maid of honour speech

The maid of honour speech has become one of the highlights of a modern wedding. In the US, the maid of honor has long been one of the main speakers at the reception. In the UK, it's a newer addition to the traditional running order. Either way, the job is the same: speak for your friendship, welcome the partner, and raise a glass. This guide shows you how to write a maid of honour speech, from the structure and length to your opening line and the stories worth telling.

The examples are about Ellie and her partner Marcus, a made-up couple. You're Ellie's maid of honour.

What a maid of honour speech is for

A maid of honour speech tells the room who the bride is to you, through one or two true stories, and then turns to the couple. It's warm first and funny second. Most guests know the bride from one part of her life. Your speech shows them another.

How long it should be, and when you speak

Three to six minutes is usual, and four minutes is a good target. That's roughly 500 words at a relaxed pace. In the US, the maid of honor usually speaks at the reception alongside the best man. In the UK, there's no fixed slot yet, so ask the couple where your speech fits in the running order. If the best man speaks too, compare notes beforehand so you don't tell the same story twice. For guide times by role, see how long a speech should be.

A structure that works

1. Opening: a line that wins the room, then a short greeting.
2. Who you are: how you know the bride, ideally with a place or a year.
3. Your friendship: what it's like, shown through one detail.
4. The story: one moment that shows who she is. The heart of the speech.
5. The couple: your first impression of her partner, and what they bring out in each other.
6. Wishes: something specific to them, not something from a greeting card.
7. Toast: everyone raises a glass and you say their names.

How to start

The first ten seconds matter more than any other part of the speech. Here are five ways in, each with an example.

The day you met

Year seven, first day of school. A girl with a fringe she'd cut herself sat down next to me and asked if I wanted half her crisps. I said yes. We've been splitting everything ever since.

A line she always says

Anyone who knows Ellie knows the phrase "It's fine, I've got a plan." Sometimes there was a plan. Tonight, there definitely was one.

A place

There's a bench on Brighton seafront with a small scratch on the armrest. Ellie made it in 2014, the night she decided to move to London. I was there. So was a very large portion of chips.

Your first impression of the partner

The first time I met Marcus, he'd driven two hours to bring Ellie the phone charger she'd left at his flat. That was their third date. I told her to marry him. It took her a while to listen.

A question for the room

Hands up if Ellie has ever told you she'll "just be five minutes". Keep your hand up if she was. Exactly.

Choosing your stories

You probably have hundreds of stories. You need one, maybe two.

• Pick a story that shows who she is, not just something that happened. A good story has a place, a moment and one detail people can see.
• Go light, then heartfelt. A funny story first and a sincere one second works better than the other way round.
• Include everyone. If a story only makes sense to your friendship group, add the one line of context the rest of the room needs.
• Ask yourself: would Ellie happily tell this story to Marcus's grandmother? If not, choose another.

Welcoming the partner

The partner isn't a footnote. Give them their own paragraph: how you first met them, what you've noticed since, and a sentence spoken directly to them.

Marcus, you laugh at Ellie's terrible puns, you learned to love her mother's lasagne, and you've never once complained about the plan. Welcome to the family we chose for ourselves.

What to leave out

• Exes and past relationships, even as a joke.
• Hen do stories. They stay with the hens.
• The generic "we used to party" story, which says nothing about who she is.
• Anything that would embarrass her in front of her new family or her colleagues.
• Money and the cost of the wedding.
• In-jokes only your group would get.

If you're nervous, or you cry

Almost everyone is nervous, and many maids of honour well up at the sincere part. That's fine, it's a wedding. Print your speech in large type, mark a pause before the emotional lines, and keep a glass of water nearby. Know your first few lines by heart so you can look up. More tips are in staying calm before a speech.

Common mistakes

• Talking about yourself more than about the bride.
• A list of qualities instead of a story that shows them.
• Forgetting the partner until the last sentence.
• Reading from your phone. Use cards or paper.
• No clear ending. Without a toast, nobody knows the speech is over.

Maid of honour speech checklist

• You know when you're speaking and who speaks before and after you.
• You've compared stories with the best man.
• The speech runs four to five minutes, timed out loud.
• There's one story with a place, a moment and a detail.
• The partner has their own paragraph.
• Nothing would make the bride or her family wince.
• The toast names the couple.

Write your maid of honour speech with Moverba

With Moverba, you answer an interview written for maids of honour: how you met, what your friendship is like, your stories, your first impression of the couple and anything that must stay out. You set how much humour and emotion you want, and you read the outline and the written opening in the free preview before you decide. Start on the maid of honour speech page, read the best man speech guide if you're speaking together, or see a complete wedding speech in our example speech.