How to write a best man speech

Being asked to be best man is an honour, and the speech is the part most people dread. The room expects you to be funny, the groom's family expects you to be kind, and the couple hope you won't mention the stag do. The good news: a great best man speech isn't about being a natural comedian. It's about one or two true stories, told well, in a shape the room can follow. This guide walks you through how to write a best man speech, from the running order and the right length to opening lines, jokes and the toast.

The examples are about Dan and Priya, a made-up couple. You're Dan's best man.

What a best man speech needs to do

A best man speech introduces you, tells the room something true and affectionate about the groom, turns to the couple, and ends with a toast. It should make people laugh at least once and mean it at least once. Most of the time goes to your stories. The opening and the ending are short, but they decide how the speech lands.

How long a best man speech should be

In the UK, best man speeches often run seven to ten minutes. In the US, three to five minutes is more usual. If you're unsure, aim for about five minutes, which is roughly 650 words at a relaxed speaking pace. When several people speak, shorter is kinder. Nobody has ever left a wedding wishing the best man had gone on for longer. For word counts by role and how to time yourself, see our guide on how long a speech should be.

Where it sits in the running order

At a traditional British wedding, the speeches come in a set order: the father of the bride welcomes everyone and toasts the couple, the groom thanks people and toasts the bridesmaids, and the best man replies on the bridesmaids' behalf, reads any messages from absent friends and toasts the couple again. Many couples now add a speech from the bride or the maid of honour, and some hold the speeches before the meal so the speakers can relax and enjoy it.

At American weddings, toasts usually happen at the reception, often after the first dance or between courses, with the maid of honor and the best man as the main speakers.

Ask the couple or the venue coordinator when you're on, who speaks before you and whether there's a microphone.

A structure that works

For a deeper look at how opening, middle and ending fit together, read our guide on how to structure a speech.

Opening lines that work

The first ten seconds decide whether the room leans in or reaches for the wine. Here are seven kinds of opening, each with an example. Use the idea, not the words.

A place and a year

Leeds, 2011. First week of university. A man knocks on my door holding a frying pan and asks if I know how to use one. Neither of us did. That was Dan.

An object

I've brought something with me tonight: Dan's old satnav. It still has one saved address. It's the pub where he met Priya.

A line he always says

"I'll be ten minutes." If you know Dan, you know that sentence can mean anything except ten minutes.

A question for the room

Quick show of hands: who here has ever followed directions from Dan? Keep them up if you arrived where you meant to. Right. Thank you.

Your first impression of the couple

The first time I met Priya, she beat Dan at pub quiz, then explained every answer he got wrong. I remember thinking: he's finally met his match.

The moment you're in

A few hours ago, Dan said "I do". I've known him for fifteen years, and it's the first decision I've ever seen him make without asking for a second opinion.

A rule of three

Dan is brilliant at three things: getting lost, keeping houseplants alive and falling for Priya. Tonight is about the third.

How funny should it be

British best man speeches are expected to be funny, and a gentle roast of the groom is part of the tradition. American speeches tend to be lighter on the teasing and heavier on the sentiment. Wherever you are, the same test applies: would the groom's gran laugh? If she'd wince, cut it.

Off limits, always:

• Exes and past relationships, even as a throwaway line.
• The stag do. What happened on the stag stays on the stag.
• Anything sexual, innuendo included, with children and grandparents in the room.
• Money and the cost of the wedding.
• Looks, weight and health.
• Swearing, unless you know every guest and the couple have said it's fine.
• In-jokes only three people will get. Explain them in one line or drop them.

The funniest material is usually true and specific: a habit, a catchphrase, a small disaster he handled in his own way. Tease the groom, never the couple, and never anyone else.

Turning sincere

Every good best man speech has a turn. After the laughs, there's one honest moment where you say what your friend means to you, and then you turn to the couple. It can be two sentences. It's often the part people remember.

Dan, you've driven through the night when my car broke down, you've helped three of us move house without being asked, and you've never once let me pay for your frying pan. I'm proud to be standing next to you today. Priya, you make him braver, calmer and, somehow, even kinder. I've never seen him happier.

The toast

Ask everyone to stand or raise their glasses, then say the names. A classic British line is "Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses to the bride and groom." A personal one is simply "To Dan and Priya." If your opening had an object or a catchphrase, bring it back here. That callback gives the speech its shape.

Common mistakes

• Starting with an apology such as "I'm not much of a public speaker."
• A list of adjectives instead of a story that shows them.
• Too many stories. One great story beats three half-told ones.
• Forgetting the partner. The speech is at their wedding too.
• Reading from your phone. The screen dims, notifications pop up and your head stays down. Use cards or paper.
• Drinking for courage. One glass for the toast is plenty.

Best man speech checklist

• You know when you're speaking, who speaks before you and whether there's a microphone.
• The speech runs no longer than you planned, timed out loud.
• There's at least one story with a place, a moment and a detail.
• Nothing would make the couple, their parents or the groom's gran wince.
• The partner has their own paragraph.
• The toast names the couple.
• You've practised out loud, and you know your opening by heart.

For help with nerves on the day, read staying calm before a speech.

Write your best man speech with Moverba

With Moverba, you answer an interview written for best men: how you met the groom, what he's like, your stories, a running joke, your first impression of the couple and anything that must stay out. From that, we write a speech in this shape, and you read the outline and the fully written opening in the free preview before you decide. See a full speech in our best man speech example, or go to the best man speech page to start. Speaking for the bride instead? Read our guide to the maid of honour speech.