Writing a eulogy is one of the hardest things you can be asked to do. You're grieving, and at the same time you're trying to find words that will comfort everyone else. Here's something that may help: nobody at the service is waiting for a perfect speech. They want to recognise the person they've lost. For that, you don't need eloquence. You need a few true memories, a simple shape and some time. This guide takes you through how to write a eulogy in seven gentle steps.
The examples are made up. They're about June, a grandmother, and Frank, a father.
What a eulogy is for
A eulogy honours a life, makes room for grief and gives everyone present a moment of shared remembering. It doesn't have to cover everything. A few honest memories carry more weight than a complete biography. And it doesn't have to smooth the edges: the person can be stubborn, funny and loved all at once, just as they were.
How long a eulogy should be
At British funerals, eulogies usually run three to five minutes, and services at a crematorium often have a fixed time slot for the whole service. At American funerals and memorial services, five to seven minutes is common, and a celebration of life can run a little longer. If several people are speaking, keep yours shorter.
Eulogies are spoken slowly, with pauses. At that pace, five minutes is roughly 600 words. Ask the funeral director or celebrant how much time you have, and stay within it. For more guide times, see how long a speech should be.
Seven steps to writing a eulogy
- Find out the setting. Where will you speak: at the service, at the graveside or at the wake? Is it a religious service? Who else is speaking, and how long do you have?
- Gather memories. Write down everything that comes to mind without sorting it: places, phrases, habits, hands, smells, songs. Sit down with family or friends and swap stories. The most precious details often surface in those conversations.
- Find the thread. What runs through this life? Something they always said, a place they returned to every year, a quality everyone recognised. That thread holds your eulogy together.
- Choose two or three stories. Not the big dates, but moments that show who they were.
- Write the way you speak. Short sentences, plain words, direct address. A eulogy doesn't need to sound formal to be dignified.
- Read it aloud and cut. Anything you stumble over now will be harder on the day. Cut what doesn't sound like you.
- Prepare for the day. Print it in large type, mark your pauses and ask someone to be ready to read on your behalf if you need them.
A simple structure
- Opening: a calm greeting and a first picture of the person.
- Tribute: what kind of person they were, with examples.
- Life chapters: three to five chapters, told as pictures rather than a CV.
- A memory: one story that shows who they were. The heart of the eulogy.
- What remains: what they gave you and others.
- Thanks: to carers and anyone who supported them, if it feels right.
- Words of farewell: quiet, and if it suits the family, spoken directly to them.
How to begin
Keep the greeting simple. “Family and friends of June” works at almost any service. Then give the room one picture of the person.
Family and friends of June, if you visited Nan on a Sunday, you'll know where to find her: at the kitchen table, radio on, crossword half done, telling you the answer to seven across before you'd sat down.
How to end
A eulogy ends quietly. Many people close by speaking directly to the person who has died. It isn't required, but it's often the most moving moment.
- “Goodbye, Dad. We'll miss you every single day.”
- “Thank you for everything, Nan. We'll keep the radio on.”
- “Rest well, Frank. You did your bit, and then some.”
Prayers, hymns and Bible verses belong in the eulogy if the service is religious or the family would like them. Otherwise, choose words that feel right for everyone in the room.
Writing a eulogy for a grandparent
For many people, a grandparent's funeral is the first time they give a eulogy. You can speak from your own point of view: sleepovers at their house, what they taught you, the phrases you can still hear in their voice. But leave room for their life before the grandchildren too. Ask your parents, aunts and uncles for chapters you weren't there for.
Grandad Frank never said he was proud of us. He showed it differently: after every exam there was a tenner under the teapot, whether the exam had gone well or not.
Humour in a eulogy
It can include gentle, loving humour if it suits the person and the family. Celebrations of life are common, and a warm laugh at a funeral is often welcome. A shared smile is not the opposite of grief. It's often a moment of relief. Keep the humour kind, never at the expense of the person who died, and check with the closest family if you're unsure.
What to leave out
- Speculation about how they died, or medical details the family would rather keep private.
- Old conflicts and grievances, even as a hint.
- Very private details they wouldn't have shared with everyone.
- A version of them nobody recognises. Honesty comforts more than a saint's portrait.
- Religious language that doesn't fit the person or the service.
On the day
Print your eulogy in a large, clear font with plenty of space between lines, and mark the places where you'll pause. Keep water within reach. Tell someone you trust that they may need to read on for you, and give them a copy. Often, just knowing someone is ready is enough to get you through. You're allowed to cry. Nobody will mind. More help is in staying calm before a speech.
If there's a wake afterwards, it's common in the UK to raise a glass to the person who died there, rather than at the service.
Eulogy checklist
- You know where you're speaking, who else speaks and how long you have.
- The eulogy suits the service, religious or not.
- There's at least one story in which people recognise them.
- Nothing is in it that the closest family wouldn't want to hear.
- It's printed in large type with your pauses marked.
- Someone you trust has a copy and could read on for you.
Write a eulogy with Moverba
If writing feels too much right now, Moverba can help. The interview asks gently for what a eulogy needs: how you were connected, where you'll be speaking and what outlook on faith fits the service, the chapters of their life, your memories, their favourite sayings, songs and rituals, anything that should not be mentioned and who you'd like to thank. You decide whether the eulogy may bring a smile, and it never goes beyond a gentle one. Read a complete speech in our eulogy example, or start on the pages for a eulogy for a loved one or a eulogy for a friend.
Last updated: 26 September 2026